dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
