I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
