Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
