South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
