He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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