you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize