Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
