I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
