Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
