I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sarcasm needs its own font
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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