i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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