I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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