Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
