I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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