I want to stick my p in your. b.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
