She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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