ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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