I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
