so explain again why im purple
no
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
