he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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