Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
