That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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