i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
