I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I cut my penus on the lid.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
