we have officially lost it.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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