While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
