Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
