Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
