the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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