well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
