Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
