He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
