go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
