this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
