Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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