the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
