Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
