I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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