Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize