she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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