Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
