just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's like iHOP with fire
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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