break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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