umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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