I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
