I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
