Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize