You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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