I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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