U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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