GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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