you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
