I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
