My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
