yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
