Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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