i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
