Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
