and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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