You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
