im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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