I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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