And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Panties = found
Randomize
