What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
