Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize