Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
