So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
