I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
