She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
