I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
