he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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