I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
