It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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